Sqeezing out the Yuck, or Something Like That.

Before we got married, Bryan and I went through premarital counseling with our pastor and his wife. I’ll never forget how she described marriage on several occasions. She said that marriage has a way of bringing all of the yuck inside of you to the surface and then squeezing it out. Lovely isn’t it? Somehow, I love that analogy. Like it has a way of showing us all of our ugly parts and forcing us to either rid of them or call it quits, and we all know which one of those is the healthy choice.

So Bryan and I have been looking at houses. We are becoming all too familiar with the phrase “Catching the house bug.” We’ve caught it. Oh has it been caught.

We rent right now, and neither of us has ever owned a house, so we get to go through this little taste of hell adventure together. The problem is, we see this process very differently from each other, and it’s bringing out all of the yuck in me. I think I’ve made it clear how refinement and the realization that I am not perfect makes me feel.

Bryan has always lived in smaller houses and grew up not having a lot of money, so he sees every house we look at with such amazement, I swear he thinks he’s looking at the Wonka Chocolate Factory. He is just so grateful for the fact that a house like that is even in the realm of possibilities for us. It’s all so sickeningly charming.

I, on the other hand, grew up living in decent-sized, while certainly not huge homes, didn’t have a share a room for most of my upbringing, and am just generally a selfish person, let’s just be honest. I look at each house as imperfect and not something I could possibly settle for.

I knew that admitting this would not be fun, but as I type it, I realize just how much yuck I have in me.

Sheesh am I the worst. How much of a horrible a-hole can you be if you find ways to complain about something that most of the world does not have. Gross gross gross. I am officially disgusted with myself.

I hate that I can’t see things with as much contentment as he does. His grateful heart and the sheer thankfulness that he encounters with each house we look at is astounding, and it simultaneously makes me feel like a terrible person and makes me want to be a better person.

God is really showing me a lot with this process. I am learning how yuck-filled I am and how thankful I should be that the wonderful man, friends, and Family that I have been blessed with put up with the apparent ton of crap I put out in the universe. I am learning that my dream home can definitely wait, and that all of this is God’s anyway, duh. I think I need to take a harder look at the yuck in me and do a better job of forcing it out instead of harboring my negativity.

Besides, I could never forgive myself if I made Bryan as jaded as I apparently am. I love that he sees the world in a brighter hue than I do, and I am going to start trying harder to rise to his level instead of bringing him down to mine.

Oh the joy of finding new areas of life that need work. Sooooo much yuck.

Please tell me I’m not the only who needs a dose of humble pie. What about you? What areas of your life have you recently found that need work?


9 thoughts on “Sqeezing out the Yuck, or Something Like That.

  1. Pingback: That Time at Mentor Camp | Refining Alex

  2. You are not the only one that needs to see the brighter side of things. I find that I often need to change my attitude about things and see the good in the situation. We all need improvement. It’s good that you are realizing it and working on it! Maybe we can smack each other next time we are being negative. We all need a good smack in the head sometimes haha.

  3. Go easy on yourself! While we all have room for improvement, you are still a daughter of the King, warts and all! Love you, girl!

  4. Alex, I love your honesty, and I love that you are realizing the yuck that needs to come out! I am married to a man that is more like you. He calls himself a “realist” & I call him negative. 🙂 I tend to relate more to how you describe Brian. As much as we frustrate each other at times, I say that he keeps my feet on the ground and I keep his head in the clouds! We balance each other out and in house
    hunting (and marriage), that’s crucial! So
    don’t lean too far to his side or you’ll end up in
    a Willy Wonka house that’s turned out to be a
    muddy mess! 🙂
    As for my yuck God is revealing…Charlie’s message Sunday was rough. When things get tough, I quit. I’d rather find a new happy place when things are no longer happy…

    • Thanks for this Randi! It truly is refreshing to find a silver lining somewhere haha. And I’m totally with you on the quitting thing. I really hate to fail, so when I feel like I might, I find myself just wanting to get it over with :(.

    • Ugh I know! It kind of sucks because a little part of me doesn’t want to give up my negativity. It’s so hard to rethink something you’ve spent your whole life doing!

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