I’m Sorry That Happened.

Photo courtesy of USA Today

Photo courtesy of USA Today

*Disclaimer: I am not a political activist, nor do I feel that my opinion is extremely eloquent, nor is this a commentary on how to fix an overall problem. It is an opinion about one small part of it.*

There are lots of fun problems and issues that we women face all the freaking time that men can never understand. Some of them are biological, such as growing a child and dealing with the surges of hormones that come with all of that. Some of them are more on the social side of things like how women can be really crappy sometimes and choose to tear each other apart instead of supporting one another, which leads to really dumb offenses and admittedly lame reactions to things.

Point being, men have lots of other problems that we don’t understand, but many of them choose to keep all of that locked in, while many of us neeeeeed to talk about it.

Early on in our marriage and still sometimes even now like last week, Bryan had to learn the art of listening and empathizing without trying to fix the problem or telling me that he thought it was stupid. He learned how to simply say “I’m sorry that happened.” He wasn’t sorry. He didn’t do anything wrong. But that one sentence made me feel like he understood where I was coming from and that he cared that I was sad/upset/angry/ALL THE FEELINGS.

The same is true of all of the deaths and subsequent riots as of late. I’m sorry, but when did the death of a human being and the reactions that come with it become a political issue? There are crappy parts on all sides of this.

It sucks that these men died in these situations regardless of the circumstances. It still sucks.

It sucks that people chose to hurt other humans in reaction to it. regardless of the circumstances. It still sucks.

It sucks that some of those people are choosing to use the opportunity and distraction for their own personal gain (ie: looting), regardless of the circumstances. It still sucks.

It sucks that some of us are pretending to understand the complexity of people’s feelings while standing on the outside looking in.

I’m still missing how this is a political issue. Where does the Republican party come in on all of this. Why does your opinion count as a “Democratic” one? When did our Nation become so polarized that we needed a political party to tell us how we feel about things?

I HATE that there is so much hate surrounding these events.

It is possible to NOT condone the actions of some of these people, and at the same time to empathize with our fellow Americans. Regardless of whether we feel like it should, this is an extremely painful time for some. How dare we lump everyone together and invalidate their overall feelings because of the actions of a few, or to point fingers and judge when most of us will never understand how they feel?

I realize that this all sounds very “in the middle.” That’s kind of the point, though. There should be no sides.

White people have no idea how it feels to be a minority, and it is absurd to pretend that we do. It will take so much work to right the wrongs against our African-American brothers and sisters, and this is by no means a commentary on how we can do that. The truth is that I don’t know how to do that, but that won’t stop me from learning and trying and not ignoring. And it all starts with me saying “I’m sorry that happened.”

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INSANITY and the 4-month Sleep Regression

As you could probably guess by my super-clever title, we have been dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 4-month sleep regression. For those of you that have not pushed a baby out of you, have a baby pulled from you, or signed all the forms ever made in order to adopt a baby, the 4-month sleep regression is apparently the time when babies start to sleep like normal humans and not babies. So instead of sleeping really hard-core all of the time, they have sleep cycles like we do. Many babies apparently have no idea what to do during the lighter part of the cycle, so they decide that whining and fussing until you come hang with them is the most reasonable course of action.

Ain't no rest for the wicked. Or Grady. Or me apparently.

Ain’t no rest for the wicked. Or Grady. Or me apparently.

Thaaaaanks babyyyy.

Well, I have been slacking on my INSANITY workouts for the past week while recovering from a cold and Monday was my welcome back. After not getting a ton of sleep, this is even more annoying than usual.

Sidenote: OMG you guys, being sick with a kid sucks. I mean, I knew that in theory it sucked, but all I had was a cold and I wanted to throw in the towel. Holla for family who are willing to get up all night with your kid for a day so you don’t have to.

Anyway, INSANITY. Goodness. I am so tired and sore. But y’all. I’m doing it. I’m actually so proud of myself.

This is a photo of me after INSANITY that Bryan asked me to send to him and for some reason, I decided that it was a good idea.

This is a photo of me after INSANITY that Bryan asked me to send to him and for some reason, I decided that it was a good idea. I’m too lazy to take off my makeup on the regular, so black smudges are a constant thing.

I still don’t LGN (not even close) (<–Is that not the most annoying acronym/word?), but I am getting there and for some reason, today I feel good about it. Tomorrow may be a different story, but today I am proud of myself.

Little Joys

2015-03-23 12.16.42

I’m typing this while laying in bed. Not that that’s important, I just thought it was worth mentioning. I’ve never written a blog post from bed before. I should make it a new thing. This is comfy.

ARE YOU BORED YET? SORRY.

Anyway.

I thought I’d share a quick list of the joys that motherhood has brought me so far. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times where I want to cry. Just the other day, I told my baby child that he was being kind of a butthead BECAUSE HE WAS OK. But much of the time, this non-mushy mama feels all the feels and smiles all the smiles. So here you go. The best things:

1. Whenever I wake him up and he immediately smiles at me…just before stretching and doing this hilarious duck face every.single.time.

2. He’s been making this surprised face lately that’s just so funny. Like when we mock-throw him in the air, he will open his mouth really wide and gasp. It’s almost like he’s overacting on purpose. Putting on a show. The other day, he had been with my parents all night so I could sleep off a cold, and when we walked in he did the surprised face like “OMG you’re here. I could just die I’m so happy!” (You have to say it in a southern belle accent, otherwise it doesn’t sound as funny as it seemed that day.

3. We just started solids, so he is learning how to swallow nonmilk food and not spit it all over the place and me. So he gets frustrated and will whine a lot during these feeding times, even as they are getting better. But the best part is that he will whine and fuss, but as soon as I make a big deal out of him taking a bite and swallowing it correctly (“Yay Grady! Good job buddy!”), he immediately stops whining and gets this huge grin on his face….and then back to the whining and stuffing his bib in his mouth, but I digress.

4. We try really hard to communicate to Grady that people are ok if we say they are. We want him to have a healthy fear of stranger-danger, but not of the babysitter or friend at church that wants to hold him. However, he has started the phase where he categorizes people as “mommy” and “not mommy.” Most of the time, he’s cool with “not mommy,” just as long as “mommy” is within eyesight. Anyway, the other day he turned his shoulder to my mom for the first time while I was holding him and she tried to take him. For a second, my mama heart was full because realizing that he loves me too and wants to stay with me is huge.

5. He has started squealing, especially when he thinks something is funny. So anytime we do something repetitively during playtime like tickle him and then stop and then tickle him again or give him raspberries on his belly, he anticipates the next time and will squeal with excitement. It makes me smile just thinking about how cute it is.

Ok, that’s enough mushy for now. I have realized how different I am in regards to my son compared to my usual non-touchy-feely self. I’m down with it. He makes me so happy.

Love, Alex

The Adoption Thing

So we broke the news to social media land last September that we are looking to rapidly expand our family. I wrote that we were opening up our home to adoption and foster care and that we were seeking two specific kids. I realize that it’s been way too long since I’ve given an update, and those of you that know me IRL have been asking about it and giving us so much support. We are so thankful!

adoption kids

I thought I’d give an update for those that aren’t in the know.

To start with, our home was opened (yaaaay!)! It took much longer than we had anticipated, but I think God knew what He was doing because this hormone-crazed mama would so not have been able to handle it. The second piece of news is not so great. We did not get those two kids. It is ultimately, probably, a blessing. It was decide that their current housing situation would become more permanent, and even though it is sad for us, stability is so great for waiting children.

Our reactions to this news were much different than we expected. I think somehow I saw the writing on the wall and subconsciously prepared myself. Bryan, on the other hand, was pretty heartbroken. Where I was ready to move on pretty quickly (part of which was probably a coping mechanism), Bryan was wanting to take a break and mourn a little longer. I think it was better that way. Even though it was so, so sad, seeing Bryan grieve the loss of kids he never knew reminded me that he is in this and wanting to love children that need it. It’s good to be shown that he’s not just ok with this plan of mine, but that it’s his plan too.

Our original intentions for this were to be a concurrent-planning foster care home, meaning that our home was open to foster kids, but that we are ready and willing to adopt if that became the plan for the child(ren). After these events and my not-so-speedy emotional recovery from having a baby pulled out of me, we decided to be adopt-only for a while, meaning that children who come into our home will already be terminated from their birth parents and on the road to a forever family.

Since all of these events, we have had a couple of calls about kids, and a disclosure meeting about one. We decided that that particular situation was not best for our home right now, and thus are still a 3-person-2-dog family. We have inquiries out on a few kids, however, and we continue to pray about them and hope for the best.

Oh! And we’re buying a house! It happened very quickly, and we move in 3 weeks, which is why I have been more MIA on the blogging. This type-A lady is trying her best to not get overwhelmed and stay organized as I pack and purge and plan (alliteration only somewhat intended).

AAAAAAAHHH wish us luck!

Love, Alex