Pfff Babies

crying

You know what type-A people LOOOOVE? Routines and structure, duh. You know what babies give zero effs about? Your routines and structure.

Ugh.

So after about 4 weeks of beating my head against the wall trying to implement Babywise………I’ve given up.

That’s right, you heard me. I threw the towel in and called it quits. I’m sure that it was much less dramatic of an experience than I am pretending it was. In my head, I arm-swiped the changing table and deleted my baby-tracker app, but in reality I just cried and wailed “I can’t do this anymooooooore.” IT WAS MONUMENTAL TO ME, OK?

For reals though. I so want Grady to fit into the perfect routine and sleep pattern and be super happy all of the time. What I didn’t plan for was when his stomach hurt so he didn’t sleep when he was “supposed to,” or when I am a new mom and just want to hold him all of the time and not feel guilty about it or like I am ruining him forever and ever.

I felt like such a failure as a mom because I was following all of the rules and it still wasn’t working. As if human babies follow a formula. I was stressing him out too. Since I became a quitter, he has slept better and become a much happier baby.

I think Babywise is great in some ways, and I plan on keeping a good bunch of it in mind. Everyone told me to take it with a grain of salt, but as I am a anal-retentive crazy person, I of course went full-force until I burnt myself out. I was so stressed and upset because he wasn’t logically doing what he was supposed to (I know right?!), that I feel like I missed out on some of the sweet moments along the way.

I am so guilty of this in so many ways. I get so set on trying to cram that square peg into whatever structured hole it’s “supposed” to go in that I miss the cues that it isn’t working, or that perhaps God has provided a better way.

I’ve decided that I am just going to do whatever I feel like doing in regards to Grady, and he will just have to be along for the ride. Now if I could just learn to be along for the ride for my Parent.

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Mom.

Oh heeeeeey. Nice to see you again. I kind dropped off th face of the earth there for a bit huh? Well, allow me to show you why:

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I mean.

So, all that talk about being pregnant and all of the misery and frustration finally paid off and I got THIS ADORABLE CREATURE.

But really though? I’ve never been so tired in my life. I mean he’s worth it an all, but for real. so much not sleep.

The other day he slept AT NIGHT for 4 straight hours, which as you can imagine I was super excited about, until I realized that it meant that 4 is the most consecutive hours I have slept in almost a month as well. Then I was kind of sad.

I had all of the big feelings and raging hormones that you can imagine I had (ok fine. HAVE), and I will of course share those with you all in detail as if you really wanted to know about my ugly-crying sessions.

For now though, I will leave you with these pictures. Mostly because I figured the internet was running short of photos of people’s children.

My new favorite thing ever. Unless I have crap to do, then I'm just like "stop crying and sleep kid. Mommy has to wash your clothes and eat her lunch."

My new favorite thing ever. Unless I have crap to do, then I’m just like “stop crying and sleep kid. Mommy has to wash your clothes and eat her lunch.”

Is this not the sexiest thing you've ever seen in your entire life? OK, I could understand if not. but for me? Oh man.

Is this not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen in your entire life? OK, I could understand if not. but for me? Oh man.

First bath! This is his favorite part. The part where he gets out of the bathtub and is wrapped in a towel and held after such a traumatic experience.

First bath! This is his favorite part. The part where he gets out of the bathtub and is wrapped in a towel and held after such a traumatic experience.

As you could imagine, Phoebe is ready for the new puppy to go back to his house.

As you could imagine, Phoebe is ready for the new puppy to go back to his house.

Grady and his new BFF Vaun. My friend Sarah and I were only 4 days apart our entire pregnancies and then our kids are now like a couple of weeks apart! (I was early, she was late)

Grady and his new BFF Vaun. My friend Sarah and I were only 4 days apart our entire pregnancies and then our kids are now like a couple of weeks apart! (I was early, she was late)

Indoctrinating him into our love of superheros early on. Raise a child up in the way that he should and whatnot.

Indoctrinating him into our love of superheros early on. Raise a child up in the way that he should go and whatnot.

Oh wait how did this get in here? Ok fine. I just had to prove that a) we actually did something on New Years Eve sans our child (Even if we were home by 11), and b) brag on my first post-baby drink! It was delicious if you were wondering.

Oh wait how did this get in here? Ok fine. I just had to prove that a) we actually did something on New Years Eve sans our child (Even if we were home by 11), and b) brag on my first post-baby drink! It was delicious if you were wondering.

I’m all kinds of pent-up with writing tension, so look forward to my verbal vomit in the coming weeks :).

Love, Alex

Frustrated Nester

Grady bedroom before

In my last post, I talked about some of the frustrations that come with being debt free and having to save for things and pay for them with actual money. When we bought the “SuBEARben” as it’s come to be lovingly referred to in the Fittin household and among our friends, we *kind of* wiped ourselves out. What I mean is that we saved up for it, pouring all of our extra cash into “the car fund” and afterwards were running pretty thin.

This gap happened to fall when that awesome New Mom Nesting Energy kicked in…leading to a very frustrating time for me. Honestly guys, we are T-3 weeks from due date and although most of these have finally been ordered,  my child still does not have a dresser/changing station, CARSEAT (We had one. It was actually like the first thing we had thanks to my old coworkers, but then we decided to trade it in for the travel system that comes with that exact same carseat. Target may have free shipping right now…but it is not quick free shipping.), and a few other necessities.

Even more frustrating, I’ve learned that nesting is not just for biological children. The adoption front has not been enabling my patience problem either. Apparently there has been some sort of paperwork problem or delay with our home study, which is why our last step has taken so long. We were really hoping to get to meet the boys at least once before the baby came, and now it’s looking like that won’t happen. I’m super disappointed.

Is it too much to ask for everything to go perfectly? Gosh.

When I figure out what the lesson is for this latest experience in the growing-a-family part of our story, I’ll let you know. But for now I’m just…frustrated.

Love, Alex

 

This Child Has So Many Clothes.

Seriously y’all. We have been so incredibly blessed by people who see things that we would like, just have a lot of extra stuff, or just love us a lot.

You think I’m kidding? Check this out.

grady clothes3

 

grady clothes2

 

grady clothes1

And you guys? this isn’t even all of them. I’m trying to organize them by size into tubs so I can pull them out when he is ready to wear them. I started to catalog them all, but quickly gave up when I started hating my life and stuff.

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By far, this child has the most bear things ever owned by one person aaaaaaaand we love it. Grady, you’d better be into bears, man. Otherwise your father might cry actual tears.

So many thanks to my parents and sister, Bryan’s parents and sister, Heidi and Charlie Loften, Scott and Jennifer Mills, and Jeff and Joy Meekins for giving us all the great clothes for our little guy. He is set up for a long, long time!

 

Love, Alex

What We’re Wearing Wednesday (Volume 4)

What We're Wearing Wednesday

Are you ready for the most boring WWWW? Ugh.

So I haven’t posted a WWWW in liiiike 2 weeks? Yeah, 2 weeks. Y’all. Coming home from work is so much more overwhelming than I thought it would be. So much free time and like a zillion more things on the to-do list. I think I’ll be writing about it soon. Yep.

Anyway. Today I was in sweats and doing stuff on the computer for our photography company (We have new specials on fall family photos! Hit us up if you’re local!) until well past noon. I had to run some errands after that, which is the only reason I am wearing real clothes in these photos. Errands aren’t good enough to get jewelry out of me though. Sorry, errands.

Bryan


So since Bryan has to have separate work attire like a real adult, I decided to get both of his outfits, which is why this is being posted so late. WARDROBE CHANGE!

Pants: Express| Pullover: VZW Swag!

Pants: Express| Pullover: VZW Swag!

Shoes: Madden (I promise he has other dress shoes, these are juts his favorite because they're "the most comfortable.")

Shoes: Madden (I promise he has other dress shoes, these are juts his favorite because they’re “the most comfortable.”)

Look at that baby face in his badge. They haven't made him change it since  like 2006. Orange hair, smooth face, lady killer.

Look at that baby face in his badge. They haven’t made him change it since like 2006. Orange hair, smooth face, lady-killer.

T-Shirt: Concert tee from his favorite bluegrass fella, Del McCoury | Jeans: Express

T-Shirt: Concert tee from his favorite bluegrass fella, Del McCoury | Jeans: Express

Shoes: Tretorn from The Mustache Wears and Goods

Shoes: Tretorn from The Mustache Goods and Wears

Mustache Goods and Wears

Tretorn Shoes

Watch: WeWood from The Mustache Goods and Wears

Watch: WeWood from The Mustache Goods and Wears

The Mustache Goods and Wears

WeWood Watches

Alex


I’m not even kidding, you guys, I’m so over being pregnant. I am being extremely vulnerable by posting these photos. Any shred of thinking I was pretty in photos is slipping away. Ok, I’m done being lame now.

Jeans: Old Navy Maternity | Tank: Target Maternity

Jeans: Old Navy Maternity | Tank: Target Maternity

Shoes: Nine West ballet flats. Also, if any of you have ideas on how to clean these, I'm all ears. I have even tried a magic eraser I kid you not. BUT THEY'RE STILL CUTE SO WHATEVER MAN.

Shoes: Nine West ballet flats. Also, if any of you have ideas on how to clean these, I’m all ears. I have even tried a magic eraser I kid you not. BUT THEY’RE STILL CUTE SO WHATEVER MAN.

I just had to show this off because of how ridiculous it is. I am at that phase of pregnancy where, lest I have my ring cut off in the near future, I just need to take it off until post-Grady. I got this at Walmart for ( bucks and called it a day. STILL MARRIED, MAN.

I just had to show this off because of how ridiculous it is. I am at that phase of pregnancy where, lest I have my ring cut off in the near future, I just need to take it off until post-Grady. I got this at Walmart for 9 bucks and called it a day. STILL MARRIED, MAN.

And that’s all she wrote for Wednesday!

Love, Alex

Crying in the Ultrasound Room

See my dress color? Yeah. It took me a while to get to that thumbs up.

See my dress color? Yeah. It took me a while to get to that thumbs up.

Now I’m sure some of you thought that title may have corresponded to precious, loving feelings of seeing my baby and finding out its sex. I think I’ve made it clear that I am not precious, and while I do cry a lot, talking about the amazing feelings of seeing your baby are awesome, yes, but also not unique banter for a blog. What I’m getting at is that I cried hot, sad, guilty tears that day. And before you come at me with pitchforks and torches shouting about how I’m ungrateful and unloving, hear me out. Especially because I think I’m probably not alone in this.

It most likely won’t come as much of a shock since the majority of women hope for a girl during pregnancy, but *shocker* I wanted a girl.

I had my reasons. Everyone in my larger church community seemingly had lotsandLotsandLOTS of boys and I wanted a different experience than them. We have girl dogs (ahem, children) and though it might sound silly, watching Bryan with them and knowing the type of man he is, I just wanted to see him with a daughter so badly. There are petty reasons, like the fact that girl clothes are 1000 times cuter than boy clothes, (<–fact) and also bigger reasons like the one I have to pull the vague-card on again (I really do promise to share soon).

Regardless of all the things, Bryan and I were both standing squarely on the girl-train.

In my increasing nervousness as the big day approached, I did some research on gender disappointment and found that it is an actual clinical issue that many women deal with. This should have made me feel better right? “No!” said my brain, “That would be much too logical!”

I was just so afraid of being disappointed to find out it was a boy and then feeling guilty about being disappointed like a vicious circle. I talked to a few people about it, most of whom understood, some of whom did not (Thanks guys!). It didn’t help to hear friends and family refer to the baby as a “him” before we even found out though, because as ridiculous as this sounds, I knew their happiness at guessing correctly would make it harder for me to pretend to be excited.

On July 24, we got up and headed to the clinic with a belly full of baby and butterflies. We were called into the ultrasound room first. Just like that. No doctor visit barrier. I think the tech was a little weirded out at ALL THE QUESTIONS. “Already? Are you sure? Like this? Right here? Uhh, so do you have kids? What’s the worst reaction you’ve ever seen of someone finding out the gender?” (You guys…) She told me that none were really too bad.

Awesome.

So we’re all chit-chatty and “Oh my gosh that’s our baby!” for the first few minutes. Then. She waves past the evidence quickly, but we had already seen. “Ok, are you ready to know what it is?! It’s a boy!”

Silence.

I had such mixed emotions at that moment. Here I have a perfect, healthy baby BOY and all I can think about it my disappointment–>guilt for being disappointed–>but…BABY GIRL CLOTHES–>our baby is healthy!–>disappointment–>OMG HE’S SUCKING HIS THUMB–>well they do say boys are easier and now I’m off the hook for the birds and the bees talk–>disappointment. (<– vicious cycle. I know you appreciate me spelling it out for you because it’s not obvious or anything really.)

I cried. Like, so much that multiple tissues were needed. It was embarrassing and I hated myself for it.

All of the articles I had read about gender disappointment talked about how, much like when you take a pregnancy test that is negative and mourn the loss of a baby that never was, you mourn the loss of the baby girl or boy that never was.

I got it. Sitting in the waiting room accepting the fact that we wouldn’t be having a girl before having to fake excitement for the doctor was hard for both of us. Not to mention the fact that we had this family reveal dinner in the works for that very night that I had to polish my acting skills for.

gender reveal 1

Oh hey guys!

I got to work that morning and immediately started messing with our Amazon baby registry as a coping mechenism, hoping to distract myself with cute and shiny. It was overwhelming enough trying to pick out so much stuff with all of the reviews and safety reports and options and opinions to consider. What made it harder was that BOY STUFF IS JUST NOT AS CUTE AS GIRL STUFF. Plus, as it turns out, I’m super picky about the boy crap I actually do like. I’m so much fun, no really.

See?

See? So much fun. (Ugh so grainy. Sorry guys, It was dark in there!)

Oh, and I had to call the bakery to tell them what color to use to fill the cupcakes and I’m sure the poor girl at Rick’s just thought I was a heartless weirdo.

“Hey, just calling to tell you the filling color..it’s blue *small amount of forced excitement*”

“Oh a boy! Yay!”

“…yep. Ok thank you *more forced exctiement*.”

I mean…

How awesome are those though? Not-at-all-humble brag: the catchphrase was completely my idea and not a product of Pinterest at all.

How awesome are those though? Not-at-all-humble brag: the catchphrase was completely my idea and not a product of Pinterest at all. (Again with the grainy. I tried with the editing, I really did.)

We took our announcement photo to post after the reveal dinner, which we made it through and I didn’t cry at all. Small victory! It was actually a lot of fun to watch everyone bite into (or the smart ones use a knife to cut) the cupcakes and cheer at the filling color (which they would have done for either one of course).

See how genuine my smile is? ACTING.

See how genuine my smile is? ACTING.

The next morning, I talked to my mom and apologized for being a giant brat crabby the night before. She said she knew I was disappointed and completely understood. AND THEN (this is the “wait it gets getter” part) she said possibly the most profound thing ever. Work with me here because apparently I’m even more selfish and dense than I ever thought.

She told me that as much as having a little girl would have been wonderful and sweet and awesome,God obviously has a plan for our son, and that plan is much better than anything we could have dreamt up for our baby girl.

Ouch.

I realized that I had been thinking of this only from the standpoint of me having a baby/child/teenager. I was forgetting that there was a lot more living for him to do after the “raising him” part was over. And I think that kind of rocks.

A few minutes later my dad called me.

Let me pause here and explain something, because what I’m about to say will have much more meaning once I do. My dad and I are like, the same person.  Seriously. Both stubborn  as mules, both feel the need to constantly be right, and both tell it like it is and have to work hard on the encouraging words. So while my dad has lots of amazing qualities, the pretty words aren’t normally one of them. This is how I know God was (more gently than usual in my case) sending me the words my heart needed.

He told me that he knew I was hoping for a girl, but he thought I should know that I was going to make the best boy mom. He said that watching me with Grant and Guy (the sons of both of our mentors and who we watch when they are out of town), he could tell that I was going to be great and natural at this parenting thing. (<–HAHA)

Cue the tears. Seriously, y’all. This is when the good times started for me. I still had set-backs, like on vacation when all I saw were adorable, clean, well-dressed little girls and mangy, screaming, fit-thowing little boys. Hold me. But I got to go shopping at the outlet malls with the world’s best and most patient mom because for real, I AM SO PICKY, and I got some freaking adorable stuff for Grady.

That’s his name, Grady. OMG my child has a name. And OMG I’m over halfway there. And OMG I’m someone’s mom.

Crazy Eyes.

 

I've told you about my husband's obsession with bears, yes? Imagine my excitement to find this. I mean really.

I’ve told you about my husband’s obsession with bears, yes? Imagine my excitement to find this. I mean really.

My child is already swimming in threads thanks hugely to my wonderful and generous parents. Can you tell which piece is the favorite?

My child is already swimming in threads thanks hugely to my wonderful and generous parents. Can you tell which piece is the favorite?

Love, Alex

PS: For what it’s worth, here is the link for our ultrasound video. Not that I expect anyone to go watch it. I completely understand that what is wonderful and exciting for proud parents is just soooo boring for others. 🙂

“Vacation All I Ever Wanted”

…Vacation had to get away”

The Go-Go’s? Anyone? Bueler?

Ok…So anyways I am on vacation! Bryan and I (and #LilFitt) are in Gulf Shores, Alabama with my parents and brother and sister for a whole week!…which ends tomorrow. Womp woooomp.

Pause: I think in the midst of the chaos of packing and whatnot I forgot to post for the blogging world that #LilFitt is a BOY! More on that later.

Back to vacation. My family and I have been coming here for over 10 years. We pretty much have this whole beach vacation thing down to a science. Relaxation: check. Great seafood: check. All of the fun bars and hot spots: check.

Also on the vacation docket this year? Big feelings and heart change, apparently. Leave it to Jen Hatmaker (If you’re new to my little corner of the interwebs, you should know and will probably pick up on the fact that I am obsessed with her.) and her words and feelings and convictions to completely wreck me inside. AND ON VACATION.

Truthfully though? I am loving it. I’m halfway through the book and I love that it has made me cry actual tears while sitting on the beach. I love that it is giving me a basis for the 7 experiment that I and my friends did through her guidance. I love that it provides a channel for God to kick me in the butt and get me moving.

I swear, I have read my mom like half of the book aloud. I’m making her resent it before I force her to read it. Probably not the best strategy. Oh well.

That’s all for now on an update! I’ll post vacation photos soon…promise.

Love, Alex